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The world told me I wanted more. More success, more boxes checked, more goals and milestones reached. For a long time, I believed it. I chased the “more” that was laid out in front of me - the degrees, the job titles, the relationships, the next step on the ladder. I followed the ‘yellow brick road’. I did everything I was ‘supposed to do’ - and I still wasn’t happy.
What I really wanted wasn’t out there, it was in here. What I really wanted was myself - the quiet, soft, steady presence of my Self.
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before you continue reading this blog post, i invite you to write down something that you feel is unbecoming, something that you feel within that is no longer sitting right, that no longer fits you. remember- this doesn’t have to ‘make sense’ and/or you don’t have to know why something is no longer for you. sometimes we know, sometimes we don’t. sometimes there isn’t an explanation for it.
throughout this post, and within The Art of Unbecoming masterclass, I'm going to be using that definition to guide you through identifying those things that you no longer find flattering or appropriate, and moving you through finding what is appropriate, finding what is flattering to you now.
every single moment of your life has brought you to this point. if you're here reading this now, it is likely that something is no longer fitting and you are ready to unbecome that person you've been programmed to be so that you can step into the person you know you are with every fiber of your being.
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The world that we live in is full of self fulfilling prophecies. A self fulfilling prophecy is a false belief that proves itself to be true - something that leads to its own confirmation because of the actions you take, based on your beliefs.
For example, if you believe you are going to be single forever, you will find ways to confirm that for yourself. You will find ways to make that true for you. Maybe that’s not talking to anyone or going out and meeting new people. Maybe that’s going on a date here or there, a couple of dates with this person, a couple of dates with that person. But always finding a reason to end it.
This is a self fulfilling prophecy, a false belief that you’ve made true by your actions, by your own hand. Shaky signature, not your capital s self signature.
These self fulfilling prophecies are shaky signatures. Think about them like this - if you’ve ever watched a forensic type of show like Bones, Criminal Minds, Law and Order.. there are these episodes where the victim is made by their kidnapper to write a note or write a letter or sign a check. Then the forensic team comes in, they look at this piece of handwriting and compare it to another piece of handwriting that they know this person has written, and, under the microscope, they can see that the forced handwriting is shaky and uneven. They can see where the pen has lifted, where the ink stops flowing - all of this suggesting that the person who wrote it literally had a shaky hand.
I like to think of the self fulfilling prophecies as the shaky signature, while your capital S self signature is the smooth handwriting - the natural handwriting. But here’s the thing about these self fulfilling prophecies and the shaky signature - we don’t look at them under a microscope.
Most of the time these signatures are shaky even though they feel comfortable because of the external prophecies that have been put on us as a member of society. Self fulfilling prophecies don’t need us to become true. This 3D experience/society/humanness will make them true for us.
Self fulfilling prophecies are really easy to calibrate too. We tend to think of calibration as rising above or matching someone’s higher energy. But you can also calibrate to lower vibrational or lower energy things. This makes self fulfilling prophecies really easy to manifest, really easy to make true for you because they require no power from you, they require no action on your part. They come from the world around us. The rules that we’ve been taught, boxes that we’ve been stuffed into… they require no work from you.
but what I really wanted was myself.
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When I think about past versions of myself, I think about how I used to be so different and how I used to be so out of touch with myself… I checked all the boxes. I did everything right. I followed all the ‘rules’, I did all the things I was ‘supposed to do’ - I went to school, I went to university, I got the job, I had the relationship. I had a great apartment, I drove a brand new car off the lot… I did all of these things that lined up for me, these prophecies that are laid out by the 3D world. I self fulfilled those prophecies.
And I wasn’t happy.
I thought I was at the time, or maybe I just made myself believe that I was. Either way, I wanted more. I wanted more time, I wanted more connection, I wanted more joy. I wanted more of what I truly wanted - not more of what I thought I should want.
I was holding myself back without realizing it, but I was holding myself back away from all of my desires. I was making myself believe that what I wanted was ridiculous, that it didn’t matter, that it wasn’t important… I had everything that I was supposed to have and that should have been enough. I made myself believe that I was the problem, that I was selfish for wanting more, that it was ridiculous and silly and stupid and that it didn’t make sense. I made myself believe that I was the problem.
It wasn’t until my world crumbled that I saw all of the patterns that I had. The unhealthy beliefs, the limiting beliefs, the fear, the pain and the trauma that I was holding on to. It wasn’t until all of that crumbled that I saw the unhealthy patterns that I had about life in general. Not just about myself, but about life. It wasn’t until my world crumbled that I was done. Just done.
i did everything "right" - and i still wasn't happy
I started doing things because I wanted to. And that became my answer for things. Why do you wanna do this? Why do you wanna do that? Why do you wanna get that master’s degree? Why do you want to do this? Because I want to. It wasn’t until my whole world crumpled that I realized how shaky my signature was.
I recognized that all of the self fulfilling prophecies, the external self fulfilling prophecies from parents, society, boyfriends, whatever, I was making true for myself. Because I checked all the boxes, I did all the things, I followed all the rules, and everything around me still crumbled. I still lost everything, including myself.
In the moment, it felt like the worst thing ever. But it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. Our self fulfilling prophecies don’t need us. They require no work from us. They require no power. So when you step into your power and you start making changes and you start recognizing the patterns that don’t serve you and you want to let go of. And you start recognizing, hey, I’m holding myself back from signing my name to the things that I actually want to sign my name to - you challenge that self fulfilling prophecy.
When you start challenging those self fulfilling prophecies, there are no more shaky signatures. But in the moment that crumbling feels like the worst thing in the world. You’re wondering how [and if] you’re going to get through it. It is a blessing in disguise because you realize that you’ve uncovered this layer of yourself, these pieces of yourself that you didn’t know were there.
It was after this crumbling that I realized that I was doing ‘nothing’ with my life. ‘Nothing’ in quotation marks because nothing that I was doing had any meaning to me. I was checking everyone else’s boxes except my own.
The reality though is that your energy, if your energy isn’t true, if it’s not yours, if it’s not your capital S self, it will crumble. When you’re on this side of all of that and you start living for yourself, from yourself, my heart breaks. If I had of continued on that path, how different would my life be? My heart breaks for that version of myself. But I’m also really fucking proud of her because she had the guts to be like, I’m out, I’m out. We done not doing this anymore. It’s over.
It’s in those moments that we take back our power. We ditch the self fulfilling prophecies and we begin to write our signature with our own hand.
The 3D world is very go, go, go, go, go, go. Do this, do that. You get this goal. Fantastic. Onto the next one, next one, next one, next one. Do this thing, do that thing. Don’t slow down, you gotta keep up. That’s the whole basis of our entire world. We live in such a forward focused society that we never actually live in the present. We also leave the past behind. And in doing that and being so forward focused, we don’t actually see ourselves as expansive beings.
This go, go, go, next thing, next thing, don’t slow down energy that we have holds us back from connecting to ourselves. Our capital S self. It holds us back from connecting with our Being, with our intuition, with our desires, and it keeps us from connecting with our joy, our truest joy.
That’s what I was missing in my 20s - joy. True joy.
Because the joy that most of us feel is externally validated and fleeting. Because it’s fleeting, we have to continuously be going on to the next thing, next thing, next thing, next thing in order to keep up with that joy.
Your capital S Self signed a contract before you incarnated on the earth, in your own hand, that says, I’m here with purpose, with passion, with mission. I sign my name to this and I will do everything in my power to hold myself to that signature, capital S self to that signature.
So how do we do that? How do we write a signature with our own hand? Our soul self and our human self have to be connected. They have to be on the same page and they have to be able to support one another. Right? That’s so foundational because if your capital S Self and your human self don’t support one another, you’re not going anywhere. There may be a little bit of lift here and then come back down or a little bit of lift there and then come back down. They’ve gotta be able to go together - your capital S Self is giving directions and your human self is driving the car.
So what does your capital S Self desire in this world? What do they truly want to share? How do they truly want to live? Do your patterns match your prayers?
It’s almost like the present is not the present. Present you was brought here by past you. And present you makes decisions and lives life as future you. past you has shaped present you, and present you is shaping future you.
your life is not a thing you do, it’s a person you become and the way that person does everything will become your legacy
that is your mark. that is your signature.
When you think about your signature and the mark that you want to leave on the world, start with the end. What ripple effect are you creating? How will you live in such a way that your presence is felt infinitely? What prophecies are you choosing?
Create a prophecy for yourself. What is the story you will tell? What legacy are you leaving behind? What ripple effect you creating? What are you signing your name to? What are you writing in your own hand?
When I look back, I can’t think of the exact moments that I made decisions that would change the whole trajectory of my life and bring me to where I am now. I just know that I made those decisions somehow in some way. I think a lot of them I didn’t actually even think about. But those decisions were made. I lived those decisions.
Right now, I’m doing and creating and sharing what I love. I’ve met incredible people and I’ve had incredible experiences and I’ve done incredible things. Things that I can’t wait to share about when I’m sitting in that rocking chair.
My life is not perfect and I wouldn’t for a moment pretend that it is. I still have moments of doubt and fear and what the fuck am I doing? Moments when I feel behind in life or there’s something that I would like to change. The difference now is when I’m approaching those things, I approach them not from a place of ‘should’, not from a place of self fulfilling prophecy, not from a place of shaky signature.
The difference now is my connection to me, to myself, my capital S self. The difference now is that I am mySelf. Now I write my signature with ease. No shaky lines, my signature.
pause, reflect, keep going
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